I must, I must, I must increase my blogging activity...

seriously, I have neglected the internet something chronic these past few months.
something to do with having no internet at my new place, plus thirteen hundred thousand other things to do in all those once-were-internet times of the past.
I swear by the time I get back on track with blogging I'll have popped one out and joined the league of Mother Bloggers.
no, I would be terrible at that, I'd be far too busy, oh I don't know, spending time with my kids?? WHAT! controversial.... (semi tongue in cheek - some of them have pretty swell things going on. not to mention making a bjillion dollars from it.)

whatevs, I'm off to work CIAO FOR NOW.

I wanted to tell the internet how "be the person you want to be" is my least favourite saying in the world but as soon as I wrote it I realised how ridiculous it sounds so surely it can't be a real thing.
did I just make that up then?
I know they say "dress for the job you want not the job you have."
which isn't really the same thing is it.

Be the Person You Want to Be!!!
it's such a ridiculous sounding positive affirmation that it probably is a real thing.
whatever.
I hate it.

How to Offend Me 101

The other day at meditation this old lady goes to me...

"you haven't had children, have you?"
me : no...
"hm yes. you can tell."

ok, so I was making a joke about how you could wake a baby up with a mini cattle prod but I was JOKING.
obviously.
I was so fuckin mad. partly because it's a pretty rude thing to say but also because out of all the people I know I'm the one that's always wanted to have kids and can't wait to be a fucking mother.

Remember my rant about music culture and the whole bands skipping my town thing?
Well Radiohead have done it again!
How LUCKY of us they are doing an AUSTRALIAN tour later this year!!! A whole THREE CITIES.

Seriously guys. Why THE FUCK would you do TWO shows in Sydney AND Melbourne..... and completely skip over Adelaide and Perth??

All I can say is well fuck you too.

Moving House is Fucked.

The time has come for me to leave the warm embrace of the parental nest and move into my own place (my very very own place, complete with a mortgage). I guess you could say that really, the time came and went a long time ago but 24 isn't ancient by stil-living-at-home standards these days, not really. But anyway. I digress...
The prospect of having my own space and doing whatever I like with it is well exciting but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of actually getting there, I start getting anxious as fuck.

Nothing makes as nervous as the prospect of moving house.

I can easily demonstrate. I'm guessing if you're a normal internet person you've probably got a lot of stuff. It makes sense - people that like the internet like a lot of different things (or they like one thing with a deep passion..) and so we own a lot of things, a lot of stuff. Now a moment to look round at all your stuff...and imagine that that you have to gather it all up and move it to some other location, with some vague kind of order or organisation. Take a moment to really imagine having to do this. What would be your first step? Would you keep all of it? Maybe try and throw some things away? (This is where the hoarders start to get reeaaal sweaty.)
This is the feeling I've been experiencing mulitple times a day lately. I don't even have to move yet, I've got a few weeks. I don't even have to worry about downsizing my room, I've got a whole house to fill with my shit. But I still can't help freaking the fuck out everytime I think about it. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to take, what to leave behind, what to dtich altogether. I don't know if I should start packing things in boxes or just fill up carloads of "stuff" and dump it in the new place and sort it out once I'm there.
The other nasty thing about this whole process is all the bloody retrospecting. What a way to make you have a good, long look at your past. How much of my life is packed away in this room? And now I have to go through it all. Oh sure, I'll have some laughs. But I can guarantee there will be an equal if not greater amount of cringing and sinking stomachs as you get smacked in the face with embarrassing memories or painful reminders of growing up.
I guess the first step is just making a start. It's that small action, the opening up a word document, the turning on the oven, the putting on a bra - the little steps that can seem unsurmountable and yet just doing one tiny thing can get you moving on the right path.
At the end of the day, I just can't wait to be there. I know I'll make it eventually... even if I hate every minute of the move and I don't take the easiest or most organised path to get there.

My Tattoo Artist Sucks.

If you can't be bothered reading that tiny print, basically it's my (ex!!) tattoo artist posting on fb that she will no longer do tattoos of people's names (partners, loved ones etc.) because she thinks if you want to remember someone you should think "bigger than their name." she's done tattooing "dead people's initials."
well one such "dead person's initial" is my dead brother's, tattooed on my ankle by aforementioned lady and frankly, I feel kinda betrayed by someone who I thought had made a nice experience for me and my mum (we got it matching.) Look, I get the whole good tattoo/bad tattoo thing, I know some people have "bad" name tattoos or whatever but there's so much...arrogance or something in her post that makes me feel completely belittled as someone who not only has a tattoo of a "dead person's inital" but one done by her. I mean who is she to decide how someone remembers or commemorates their loved ones? Maybe some people only want two little letters to glance at and have a private rush of love, maybe they don't want an enormous black and white portrait or a racing car or a huge wheel of cheese because that was their dad's favourite. As for me I just wanted that little something on my skin, just the one letter with some pretty vines. I didn't want anything huge because then you have to share it (and probably the story) with so many others (it will show a lot more.)
Sometimes, I think people can just f u c k o f f with all their opinions.
She shouldn't have made a public post like that on fb, that people she has already tattooed will read, she could just explain to people that ask for it. Not everyone's going to read that anyway.
I want to comment on it something like "great, so now everytime I look at the R on my ankle for my dead brother I will think about how you resented tattooing on me - but did it anyway." but I probably won't. I just sure sending any more business her way, or singing her praises. Instead when people praise the peony on my shoulder I will be honest and say "yes the flower is beautiful but the tattoo artist convinced me to add these leaves that turned out awful so I need to get them fixed." Should have been honest all along, I know.

update!!

re: my last post. multiple members of my family legitamitely believed I was pregnant last night, thanks to my enormous over-eating gut thanks to this week's binging.
it was like, one person saw me rub my fat belly as a joke, thought my satisfied smirk was a secretive smile and mentioned the possibilty and before I know it my tiny girl cousin is running up to me "are you going to have a baby?!?!?!?!?!??!?!"

foodie baby.

It's recently come to my attention that I love food.

Sure, it's not the revelation of the centutry but I never really realised just how much I really love food - and that I always have.
I'm not talking about a desire to constantly try new things, or go to the best restaurants or travel the world to taste a certain kind of truffle or cheese (although that fresh buffalo mozzarella straight from the source in the country outside Naples was preeetty amaze.) I don't even eat meat, I just mean a love for putting decent, wholesome anything into my mouth and savouring not just it's deliciousness but it's comforting presence in my belly and my mouth.
Ok, using the word "comfort" there just made this sound like an post complete with eating issues but I swear I'm not that far gone. I don't think I'd be far off that kind of lifestyle - depending what was on offer - but this super food appreciation does, thankfully, come with a measure of restraint (I am a skinny jeans girl after all.) I'm one of those "I only jog so I can eat extra dessert" types, I guess.
Anyway, this all came to my attention just the other day when we were watching some old home movies starring yours truly age 3 or 4. Man, I was a cutie! but I digress. I noticed for the first time how often I was eating. Every time there was food around, it was going in my mouth. And it just seemed to be happening all the time. And I wasn't just eating all the time, I was loving it. You could see the pure pleasure in my eyes with each mouthful. I don't know how I could have only just noticed it.
So I suppose I feel as though I've had a bit of a self-discovery moment. It explains why I could never understand my friends who were fussy eaters, or who didn't eat all their dinner. I used to worry I was a victim of the old "you have to eat the last mouthful, or it will be lonely without its friends in your belly!" but nope, I was eating that sucker whether he liked it or not. I look at kids now that don't want to eat with all sorts of early-20s pre-parenting judgements...I pretty much think their parents are failing if the kids won't eat but now I can see that one day that kid may have a similar eureka moment when they realise they were just never that into food and it's not an anorexia thing, they just aren't that fussed with eating. (Never understand that kind of thinking.)
Just quietly, I'm sure a lot of this comes down to some kind of oral fixation, you know, constantly putting things in my mouth (hurhur) whether it be food, drink, gum or cigarettes. I am a little bit on a constant look out for the next substance to pass my lips. And I looove kissing. I get cravings for it like crack. Not that I've ever craved crack. But I'm guessing it leads to pretty strong cravings.
Now that I'm fully aware of my I <3 Food mentality I'm a little concerned about overdoing it. Like "oh, I better try that new style of rye bread because I love food" and eating the whole loaf "but it's ok because I love food, it's what I do" AND I'm going to make sure I keep the feeder in me in check (remember: not everyone wants to eat as much as you, as often as you.) But I suppose knowledge is power and I've kept things under control up to this point. (Apart from putting on 10Kg when I went to Europe. But you know, pastries in Paris, pizza in Italy...DROOL)

rantz n ravez.

Sometimes I feel like having a really good rant about something or other, usually pretty mundane sort of shit or just something I feel a vague passion about that I feel the need to express and I wish I had an outlet for all this, or a soundboard, or you know, just some sort of destination for all my rantin' & ravin'. I don't want to talk about things on facebook because everyone on there is an idiot and all they want to do is disagree and argue and I hate arguments, sometimes I just want my opinion heard and not challenged. (ok, ok, if I'm putting it out there people have the right to disagree but I feel in the internet world I have the right to just put it out there and not feel like I have to get defensive.) I don't like ranting all the time on tumblr, coz it's just not that kind of zone for me. and THEN I remembered DUH GRL you have a blog?!?!? is this not the primary and essential role of blogs?
SO HERE GOES.
Today I want to talk about the state of festival culture in Australia right now. In the past few years where I've been old enough to attend festivals whenever and wherever I've seen a fair bit of change in the whole general arena, I'm talking from about 2004 until 2012 so we're looking at a good eight years there. In the early years it seemed as though Australia had an alright festival culture but with large gaps where some of us where getting neglected. It's the old chestnut - down south and out west we don't get as much attention from big international acts as the east coast. This has definitely changed in recent years where cities such as Adelaide are not ignored by acts who - for whatever reason - cannot or will not include our fair but smaller city in there tour schedule. How many times have we heard the phrase "East Coast Only" with a quietly sinking heart (followed by a fuck you, I didn't want to see you anyway you electro freak.) These days Perth being the up and coming mecca that it is gets a whole lot more attention, despite being so isolated and Adelaide rarely misses out either, with bands bothering to include us in their festival appearances or sideshows. (and boy, are we grateful, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.) Exceptions to this still occur, such as Feist's absence at the Adelaide Laneway leg, though she did counteract this with a solo show in Adelaide a few days before Laneway (which was great for everyone who wanted to pay more than half the festival ticket price for one act oh two if you count Matt Corby sorry... o_O compared to the hundreds of delights on the festival bill this year. not hundreds. I don't feel like counting.)
In terms of more people having access to festivals I'd like to point out Groovin the Moo which since its inception has been bringing not only great acts but festival culture to the more remote parts of Australia (which is uh, most of the country) which I think is a really good thing, I mean I feel much better getting better festival attention in Adelaide, it must be the same for those in really remote places.
A few years ago, Adelaide hosted it's first Laneway festival. I thought this was a great move for music and festival culture. Laneway began life as a little ol' thing down by St Jerome's in Melbourne (RIP) and spread far and wide over that city, then others. The thing about Laneway is it hosts a lot of music people like me want to see and in doing so, gets them out to our country because otherwise they probably wouldn't come out here, it just wouldn't be justified in a lot of cases. I have loved a lot of festivals in my life but Laneway has been the one where, for mulitple years, I have wanted to see nearly every act on the lineup and clash despairs aside, this is an exciting thing. So when Laneway hit Adelaide it was like a big, delicious present, I was happy I could get the experience without forking out another hundred at least on top of ticket price to get interstate and happy that wow, people actually care about Adelaide! On the inside I always feel like some absurdly proud mayor or head of the town committee or whatever when great bands come here "yes yes! come see our beautiful city! see how amazing it is here, feel how lovely the atmosphere is, soak in the grateful delights from the enormous crowd of fans you didn't even expect you had!" something like that..
So we've got all these goodness happening, the festival spirit spreading far and wide, Australian festivals getting a really good name for themselves, but what I also want to talk about is how all of this seems to be going to everyone's heads and it's all going ever so slightly to shit .
Pretty much, everyone - festival-wise - has been getting a little too big for their boots. With all of the good growth that's been happening has been a lot of...well I won't say exploitation but let's just call it negative shit. In the early days, festivals were a "good price." Sure, they were a bit more than the average night out but it felt like you were paying a good price for what you were about to experience. A lot of the one-day-ers were under a hundred bucks and there's something about that hundred line that changes one's perception of a good deal. But then everything started going up in price and I know this happens with inflation etc blah blah economics but the price of festival tickets was going up a LOT and it was happening every year. In a nifty bit of investigating I found what I paid for Splendour over the years...
what the shit happened there?! ok so I should put this in perspective - the first three years were festival tickets only, not camping unlike 2010 and 2011 prices but even if we added an extra $100 onto those prices (not sure if that's accurate, just for comparison sakes) we're nowhere near the $500 mark. I mean five hundred fucking dollars! I remember adding up the total cost of attending and thinking of all the places I could get to overseas for that much. When you add on travel expenses etc to a ticket price like that, it basically turns into your one, big, expensive adventure of the year (unless you're rich of course..) My point is that earlier I was talking about when you could go to a festival for under $100 and feel like the money was worth it, now we're talking trying to justify half a thousand bucks (which some may not understand but that's a lotttaaa money. it is.) And then everyone was sad because it didn't sell out as quickly as other years. Oh please.
It's not just Splendour either, it's happening to most festivals. In some cases the price rise feels like natural inflation. In some it feels like we're sneakily paying off someone's debts with a quick cash grab. The fact remains that in the last year or so that booming festival culture has hit a sharp decline.
Big Day Out had a shit time this year. Basically, no one went. But how is anyone suprised at that?!? You organise a huge headliner like Kanye West (huge in costs I mean..) that few in your target audience actually want to see (good work knowing your crowd there, organisers.) and you hand the price of bringing him out here onto your customers. Look, I know I'm oversimplifying a bit here but like I said before, it's my rant, and you have to agree, this is a pretty accurate analysis. The Big Day Out 2012 and Splendour 2011 problems are so glaringly obvious I don't know how anyone was suprised at the outcomes.
Never fear, festival organisers that I know are reading this blog (LOL) I have the solution. I'm just hoping someone with the same sort of idea comes along to fix it all for you. Here it is - DON'T schedule headliners like Kanye. I mean how much did he cost, really? I bet he was a bit of a headfuck to deal with too, amiright? Think about your target audience. Big Day Out is like everyman's festival, it's not the "dancey" one, or the "hip hop" one, or the "indie" one, or the "punk and hardcore" one, it's a bit of everything. I guess this can be said for Splendour too. Think about the diverse range of people you're going to have attending. There might be punks who like some Boiler Room on the side, folksy crowds who like to follow up soft guitars and violins with a sneak peak at some electro madness, the young ones who don't know what they like yet and say they like everything and the oldies coming along for nostalgia sakes, to prove they're still up with it and to show they still like to have a good time. (In typing that I feel like I've passed through all of these stages at some point...just to prove they're real.) In all those groups, who likes Kanye? No one. Not really. Who wants to pay for Kanye? No one.
So here's what you do next year. Downsize! Don't feel bad, it's no crime. Don't try and score some humungous headliner and pay them all your monies. Focus on a quality lineup, not quantity. Don't feel the need to introduce a new stage every year either, here's another tip, people are not super like Superman and can only be in one place at a time. And reflect these changes in the ticket price. It's the classic scenario with any consumer product - charge a fair price, people will buy. Charge too much, no one will buy. You can sell a lot for a fair price or few at a ridiculous cost. You know which works better.

Ok that's it for this. Well done if you read to the end. As a present, here's a nice song to listen to. It just started playing on my iPod and it's calming me down out of rant mode.
PRESENT VIDEO <3<3<3

did y'all know how much I wanted to avoid instagram, because it's not like I really need anything else to keep me on the internet?
oh well.
find me at username: faweea (cute, I know right?)